you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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