I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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