"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
