I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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