You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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