it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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