Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
