My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
