It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
