I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
