I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
