I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
