ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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