He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
