I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize