i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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