He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
