He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
