I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
