You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
