woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
