I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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