Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Panties = found
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