We won't sleep together?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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