he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
