I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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