the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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