Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
please come you make the beer taste better
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
