You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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