Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
