I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She's the barista slut.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
