um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize