At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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