Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
whose ass print is on the piano?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
