She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
