Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize