You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
