i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
either way he was missing a nipple.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
