He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
