that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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