i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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