I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
