It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
