I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
