Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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