oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
