I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
