...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
