apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
