So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
