My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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