At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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