Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
