his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize