My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
