i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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