my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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