You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
