My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
