don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
