i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
