I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
