I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
