Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
