My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
