awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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