You're my little dorito
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
