No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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