you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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