Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
