I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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