Soap is not a condiment
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
