Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
ugly people sure do ruin things
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
