You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
