just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
where are you?
Hypothermia
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
