Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
