She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
