he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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