Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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