By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
