I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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