Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize