I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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