i just had sex bonerless
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
